The Cad With the Pad

By  |  Sunday, April 18, 2010 at 8:49 pm

(A note from Harry: Here’s a guest poem–actually, the first poetry we’ve ever published, and quite possibly the last–by my clever friend Kip Williams,)

That Apple Steve! That Apple Steve!
I do not like that Apple Steve!
He’s sneaky like you won’t believe
With dirty tricks up in his sleeve!

He’s arrogant, and sharp and mean
And pulls tricks like you’ve never seen.
I will not buy his Mac machine.
“But would you like an iPad screen?”

No! I don’t want an iPad screen!
Its cunning tricks aren’t worth a bean.
Admittedly, its looks are clean,
But it’s too limited, I ween.

“Would you use it on your lap?
Won’t you try this killer app?
Here’s one that shows you on a map,
And turns the lights off when you clap”

No, Apple Steve! Just shut your yap.
I have a laptop for my lap.
I do not care about your map,
And apps you clap are mostly crap.

“Would you use one at the beach?
Would you use one that does speech?”
I would not use one at the beach.
I would not use one that does speech.

“Would you, could you, in a car?
Via wi-fi in a bar?”
I would not, could not, in a car.
I’d not use wi-fi in a bar.

“What if you were on a plane,
Or speeding, reading, on the train?”
I’d just get nauseous on a plane,
And on a train, text strains my brain.

I wouldn’t use it in a bar,
Or at the beach, or in a car.
I wouldn’t want it doing speech.
Just leave me be. Don’t overreach!

“You say that we must disagree.
No common ground for you and me.
Perhaps I should just let you be.
But… what if I gave you one FREE?”

Oh, very well, I’ll try it, Steve.
The price is right, I do believe.
We’ll see what things it can achieve.
And if it’s boring, will you leave?


O-MG, I was so naive!
It’s fun like I could not believe.
I’m happier than Christmas Eve.
Why, this is super, Apple Steve!

I’d use this puppy in my car!
I’d wi-fi Twitter in a bar!
I’d watch old movies on a plane
And update Facebook on the train!

I’d take it with me to the beach
And eyes closed, read e-mail with speech.
I’d let it sit upon my lap
And brag about its killer app.

Its value I need not rehash.
(Especially for zero cash!)
This gizmo has become my pash.
Thanks, Apple Steve! Now… where’s the Flash?



5 Comments For This Post

  1. NickAVV Says:

    That’s cute. ;D

  2. Karen Says:

    Super funny! Great job Kip! If either of you guys are interested, we publish Dr. Seuss books, games and activities for the iPhone/Touch/iPad. Please let me know if you’d like to check out promo codes or be on my list of what we have coming up.
    We just released “The Lorax” for Earth Day this week. You can see our other apps (85+) at:


  3. Hamranhansenhansen Says:

    > where’s the Flash?

    Flash is an Adobe hack
    And once again, has been pushed back
    The version that all mobiles lack
    Now Q3 2010 on track

    Adobe does not want to tell
    Flash needs 2GHz Intel
    It was not made for ARM as swell
    So Apple Steve they’re giving hell

  4. Neil Waldo Says:

    Kip… Your talents continue to amaze… Your efforts for our web site & all your design efforts are just super… No Ginch, thee!

    I love my Pad, it is so fun
    Just wish I knew how to get things done…
    I have iPad iTouch aye aye sir I will not shirk
    Just wish it would do more of my real work…


  5. Brishen Says:

    Real cute…tech and childhood memories combined in one juicy twadle twadle tum.

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