What if Apple Did Buy Twitter? Ten (Un)likely Scenarios

By  |  Wednesday, May 6, 2009 at 3:41 pm

jobstwitter2Okay, so the chances of Apple buying Twitter seem nearly as remote as the odds that Twitter will buy Apple. It’s still fun to think about what might transpire if it did:

1. Macs would show the Failwhale when they felt a Kernel Panic coming on, and Twitter would display the Sad Mac when it was over capacity.

2. Already-bizarre terms like Tweet, Tweep, and Twoosh would become iTweet, iTweep, and iTwoosh.

3. Apple would air ads with a hip guy pretending to be Twitter and a nebbish claiming to be Facebook. Facebook would respond with snarky claims about the Failwhale swimming in a sea of unicorn tears.

4. FriendFeed users would continue to contend that FriendFeed was superior to Twitter–but they’d resemble Linux advocates even more than they already do.

5. The Internet would soon be overrun with blurry screen shots of alleged new Twitter features.

6. The new iPod Nano would let you tweet by using the scroll wheel to enter alphanumeric information. There would be no known instances of a Nano owner’s tweets being as long as 140 characters.

7. People would get really excited when @stevejobs responded with a quick direct message to their questions.

8. Actually, Steve Jobs would pause occasionally to tweet during keynotes. Possibly at the intervals where he currently chugs bottled water.

9. A $169 Twitter AppleCare protection plan would entitle you to get in your car and drive to an Apple Store to get expedited service from the Genius Bar whenever Twitter flaked out on you.

10. People would spend untold hours wondering if Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr would ever sign up for Twitter.

Any possibilities I’m missing here?


Read more: , ,

5 Comments For This Post

  1. Jackson Says:

    Steve Jobs would use the Twitter “Suggested” list as a bargaining chip with labels and tv networks.

    you would also be able to purchase from the iTunes store directly from twitter, combining easy sales with consumer-generated promotion.

  2. fjpoblam Says:

    Don’t forget the premium version of Twitter included with MobileMe

  3. Jim Espinoza Says:

    All add-ons for Twitter would only be available from the App Store, along with the standardized advertising. “Need to organize your iTweets? There’s an app for that.”

  4. Backlin Says:

    I laughed at #5.

    And to add to fjpoblam’s suggestion, the premium version of Twitter would allow Tweets up to 180 characters! I would definitely pay for that! [/sarcasm]

  5. Ralf Says:

    11. Twitter will be intergrated into MobileMe to give this service any importance. And to earn, of course.

1 Trackbacks For This Post

  1. Twitter Corral …some humor among silliness — Shooting at Bubbles Says:

    […] the end of it all we can thank Harry McCracken for bringing some humor to the whole Apple – Twitter […]